Beaten Down by All the Hype

The events of the last week have left my head spinning.  It’s almost like God has decided to cast his own version of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.  First you had a washed up ‘B’ movie actor in David Carradine, then you had a washed up variety show sidekick in Ed McMahon, then the washed up model/actress who had not worked in twenty years unless it was on Lifetime in Farrah Fawcett, then we had the freak show that was the washed up life of Michael Jackson (see MC Hammer), and finally we have the guy who was made famous by being in commercials, Billy Mays.  Paulie Shore had better hide.

The confusing thing in all of this for me has been the extreme revisionism that has come with all of these deaths.  Suddenly, people who were fringe at best a few months ago are being hailed for their greatness.  What’s up with that?  Can’t we appropriately honor the accomplishments of these people without all of the hyperbole?

I am always brought back to the year Princess Diana died when these things come up.  Do you remember who died the same week that Diana did?  Most people do not because the press was too caught up in the hype of Diana to properly give Mother Teresa and her lifetime of service to humanity her due.  I guess the explosion of media since then has given us the ability to overhype any number of things at the same time.

It’s the hyper-revisionism that bothers me the most.  Suddenly, Michael Jackson has been elevated to a level just below that of Martin Luther King Jr.  How did this happen?  Here we have a guy that had obvious mental and emotional issues that drove him to try to appear more, for lack of a better term, ‘white’.  He married a white woman, and I don’t ever remember him taking a strong stand on racial issues unless you count his song “Black or White.”  I seem to remember allegations of molestation, but somehow a 22 million dollar broom swept them all away (and, of course he was found ‘not guilty’).  Now, there seems to be confirmation that he was gay, and did like young men.  Has that become a popular stance in the black community?  And, all of the children of his ‘baby mammas’ have turned out not to be his.  Is this the example that so many young men are following today?

Suddenly, however, everyone is rushing to praise his greatness, not just as a singer and dancer, which he was, but all other aspects of his life, and many more that have seemed to materialize after his death.  Here’s a newsflash, you can be a great singer and a great dancer, and still be a freak in the rest of your life.  It’s OK to admit it in Jackson’s case, because it’s the truth.

Unfortunately, it looks like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are going to have to have a monkey knife fight to decide who will preside over the funeral.  The self-promotion of these two guys in this case is almost as nauseating as the self-promoting of Joe Jackson (anybody need a blue-ray?).

The truth is, Michael Jackson was a great performer in the 1980s, and sadly like many people, had a hard time dealing with his fame in the years since then.  The same group of leeches that followed him during his lifetime have turned into a flock of carrion birds whose ranks have been swelled by the likes of Jackson and Sharpton.

Sadly, the exploitation of Jackson and his children is just beginning.  They say he will not be buried at Neverland.  I’ll bet the opposite.  There is money to be made if they can put the body there, so it will probably happen.  Next, you will have the Michael Jackson memorial tour in which lots of washed up singers trying to jump-start their careers will get together and sing their versions of his songs.  And, of course the tribute anthology will be released on which every artist from Whitney Houston to Jamie Foxx will sing Michael Jackson songs.  Then, in a few years when the money has stopped rolling in, and the nostalgic fervor has worn off a little, his family will sell the movie rights to his life, and back up the Brinks truck once again.

Whale Wars Season 2 Episode 4: Yum Yum, Eat Crow

Though there is good commentary in all my Whale Wars posts,  you can find my newest post on the subject here.

This episode picked up with the Sea Shepherds closing on the Japanese fleet while it was looking for a man overboard.  It was nice to see some empathy from the crew toward the Japanese sailor who was washed overboard.  It was also good to see that they have some sort of moral compass that would not initially allow them to attack the Japanese fleet while they were looking for their lost sailor.

After a lot of soul searching, it seemed that most of the crew had come to some rationalization that would still allow them to attack the Japanese.  To Paul Watson’s credit, he instead offered to assist the Japanese in finding their crew member.  To the credit of the Japanese, they declined the help “because the Sea Shepherds are environmental terrorists.”  Good for them.

The ass of a first mate Peter Brown actually said, “…I think they are the eco-terrorists.  One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.”  He should tell that to the people around the world whose family members have been killed by Al Qaeda.

Then, just as the Sea Shepherds are finally about to attack the Japanese, they realize they are running low on fuel.  Captain Paul Watson informed us that just by showing up that they had intimidated the Japanese.  Really?  I don’t think that the Japanese are that affected.  They will just go right on whaling while the Sea Shepherds go back to port, and the Japanese will be miles away from their current positions when the Sea Shepherds finally return.

They realized that one of the harpoon ships was shadowing them…, “and its gun is uncovered!”  So they decide to attack the ship.  The best news to come out of this episode is that it appears that the Japanese have decided to defend themselves.  They had nets to deflect the bottles of acid and slippery chemicals.  They had floats tied to the sides of the ship to prevent boarding, and the whole crew was deployed on deck to help defend the ship.  Very good.

By the time that the Sea Shepherds actually got their boats in the water, the Japanese ship was out of range of the attack.  They finally gave up the chase and turned back in the rough seas.

That’s when one of the ladies on the crew of the small boat bashed her head as they hit a rough wave.  She received a mild concussion, but the producers played it up quite a bit.

Much of the rest of the episode was spent with the crew worrying about the fuel supply and Peter Brown making a complete ass of himself.  It is clear that this guy is no team player, and should have never been made first mate.  He proved that you can be right, and still be an ass.

One of the crew members topped Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs when he said, “If we run out of fuel…we’ll look like we have no idea what we are doing.”  I’ve thought that they had no idea what they were doing from the first episode last season.

Then, of course, one of the crew bashed her head again (a pretty ugly cut).  She was repaired by the doctor, and the fuel/Peter Brown saga continued.  His sarcasm directed toward the crew is useless.  In the end, he ‘decided’ not to return for the second part of the trip.  Oddly, no one seems torn up about it.  I suspect that Paul Watson asked him not to, but that was never admitted.  I felt that there were things that went on behind the scenes last season, and this would be another example of this.  In the end, I was left with the feeling that much of the fuel issue was just made up drama.

I can’t wait for the L-RAD on the next episode.  The foreshadowing of the ‘white powder’ incident on the next episode reminded me of the time when Paul Watson was ‘shot’ last season, but I’ll deal with that next week.

Whale Wars Season 2 Episode 3: As Bad As Our Bark

Though there is good commentary in all my Whale Wars posts,  you can find my newest post on the subject here.

This episode began with the ship’s hull still being pounded by ice.  As I watched these guys in a truly dire situation, I was brought back to something a friend and I have talked about a few times.  These people, like the Seas Shepherds, Christopher McCandless and Timothy Treadwell often labor under the misconception that “Nature” or individual creatures actually care about them or their efforts.  The truth of course is that nature is simply ambivalent and dangerous.  Those who disrespect this fact either die or get lucky.

After surviving their brush with the icepack, the First Mate gave us a little more gold with this statement, “You know I’m not really a book learned sailor, and so I haven’t gone to school to study ice charts.  So, there’s probably some sort of science to it, but I don’t know what it is.”  These sorts of statements just baffle me.  And, someday there will actually be people who are surprised when these guys do not come back.  Amazing.

This guy, the First Mate, make a big point of explaining to the camera why he did not trust computers or satellite maps or pictures.  He liked to rely on his own eyes.  Of course, the ship missed the passageway out of the ice because of his stupidity.

The one consolation was that it cost the Sea Shepherds days to get around the ice.  Therefore, the Japanese had days of not having to put up with their nonsense. 

Molly Kendall then delivered more misguided wisdom.  She said, “Whales are such a huge example of an amazing creature.  To start that process to save the world, we need to look beyond ourselves, and yeah, if we can’t do that with whales, we can’t do that with oceans.  And, if we can’t do that with the oceans, we can’t do that with ourselves.”  It is reasoning like this that drives philosophy professors to suicide.

They proved that they can learn from their near death experiences, however.  This time, when they found one of the Japanese ships in the fog, they decided to use the little boat that had the radar system to attack with.  Unfortunately for the Sea Shepherds, the junkyard of a ship that they travel around in, once again, proved itself when they discovered that the radar on the small boat was not working.

They caught up with the Japanese scout ship, and began throw stinky acid-filled bottles on the ship.  Once again, Paul Watson was not able to control his ship and the stern of his boat hit the stern of the Japanese boat (so dangerous).  Luckily, most of the damage was to the Steve Irwin.

Paul Watson, after just hitting the Japanese ship actually, said, “If they believe that we are terrorists, if they believe that we are these evil pirates, if they believe that we are capable of sinking them at sea, that works on our favor.”  Sounds like a good case for self defense if the Japanese ever decide to actually defend themselves.

He put them right back on another collision course.  He acted like he was going to T-bone their ship, and there were big laughs when he was able to miss them (just).  I am now for the Japanese using whatever means they choose in order to defend themselves.

One of the young ladies had a good idea, and developed a small-boat checklist so that they would not have many of the problems that they have faced so far.  The same First Mate that did not like to use the ship’s instruments was against this idea also.  His reasoning, “if you don’t know how to do it, you should not be doing it.”  While that may be true, none of these people know what they are doing, so they should just stop altogether.  She was just trying to streamline a process, and make things safer for the admittedly inexperienced crew, and he was just being an ass.

Just as they got to the whaling grounds, the started to run out of fuel and water.  I begin to wonder what the point of all of this is.

They found out that one of the Japanese Sailors had fallen overboard.  Their reaction was to offer to help so that they could find out where the fleet was in order to confront them.  Ghouls.  Paul Watson then justified his actions by saying that the Japanese attempt to find the sailor’s body was just a show, since there was no way that they could really find the man’s body (the Japanese had there searchlight on and were obviously looking for the man).  Even some of the crew were uncomfortable with assaulting the Japanese during their search.  Paul Watson’s quote was, “I really don’t care what people think, my clients are the whales.”  Bastard.

I want give Animal Planet a little credit for the way they are presenting this series.  I do believe they are sympathetic to the Sea Shepherds, but they also show all of their many flaws.  It may just be good television, but they don’t have to show any of the flaws at all.  This show could easily be a Sea Shepherds love fest, and it is not that.  Of course, if it was, I could not watch it.

Barbara Boxer is a Pretentious Ass

I read today that Senator Barbara Boxer “dressed down” a brigadier general of the US Armed Forced for calling her “ma’am.”  What a royal bitch she must be.

Brigadier General Michael Walsh respectfully referred to her as “ma’am” while testifying to Congress.  Here is her response:

“You know, do me a favor,” a clearly agitated Boxer said. “Could you say ‘senator’ instead of ‘ma’am?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Walsh replied.

“It’s just a thing, I worked so hard to get that title, so I’d appreciate it, yes, thank you,” she said.

“Yes, senator,” he answered.

Beyond the fact that in the military “ma’am” and “sir” are respectful responses that soldiers are taught to give in the military, I was taught as a child to use these forms of respect also.  In fact, I had a cousin who once lamented to me that she was jealous because my parents had taught me to “say things like, ‘Yes Ma’am’ and ‘Yes Sir,’ and she had never benefitted from this type of upbringing.

Words mean things and Webster points out that “ma’am” is a shortening of “madam” which it defines as “used without a name as a form of respectful address to a woman.”  Even Webster says it is respectful.  What is not respectful is talking in this manner to a general in the US military.

But, let’s be honest.  That wasn’t her point.  She simply wanted to set herself up as an adversary to the military while at the same time pointing out to everyone that, “I’m a Senator!  Look at me!”  And that makes her an ass.  And, the fact that she does not have the guts to apologize now that she is being chastised makes her even more of an ass.

This is much more offensive to me than what Letterman did because he was at least trying to make a joke, even if it was misguided.  There’s just nothing funny about what Boxer did.

Whale Wars Season 2 Episode 2: The Flexibility of Steel

Though there is good commentary in all my Whale Wars posts,  you can find my newest post on the subject here.

Last week, a guy with a computer and high speed internet accused me of being a “consumer vampire” on my Whale Wars post.  That was the same week the ‘green’ guy at work showed up with a new Jeep “because it was cheaper than a Prius.”  Oh, the hypocrisy.

This week started with the ship negotiating through three or four pieces of ice.  How anticlimactic. 

They quickly found a harpoon ship.  They then plotted an intercept course which put them on a collision course with the Japanese ship.  I found it very interesting that the narrator of the show credited Captain Paul Watson’s years of experience with being the reason a collision was avoided.  Years of experience?  There was a whole ocean out there that he could have used to avoid putting his ship on a collision course with the Japanese ship.  It was Watson who plotted the ‘collision course’ in the first place.  It was his responsibility therefore to make sure it did not happen.

Then they launched a chase boat that, of course, it immediately went straight off in the wrong direction in rough seas and fog.  And, of course they once again were out of communication.  I swear it is just a matter of time until some of these people die.  They are like a bunch of irresponsible children.

The finally found the chase boat again, and it was probably another overblown event for television, but I really feel it was probably more dangerous than that.  They did give a lame excuse for not answering calls from the ship when they got back.

Then they went to sleep and woke up surrounded by ice.  Attempting to get out of it, they showed the real stress on the boat as ice was ramming into the hull.  I was amazed at the idiot who informed the two people who were assigned to stay below decks that if there was a leak they were to stay there until it was stopped.  F that.  I would have quickly informed him of his option to stay there if ‘the hull were breached.’  Amazing.

My favorite quote of the night was from the guy who said, “This would not be a good place to sink.”  Really?  The Antarctic is not a good place to sink?

I find myself reacting to these people like I do when I see someone driving very recklessly down a crowded highway.  I just hope they do not cause harm to someone else when they finally plow into something.

Whale Wars Season 2, Episode 1: The Sound of Ice

Though there is good commentary in all my Whale Wars posts,  you can find my newest post on the subject here.

I came to Whale Wars late last season, and decided not to blog about it as a result of that.  However, with the new season beginning tonight, I have decided that I will write about it this season.  I will start out by saying that as I watched last season, I decided to root for two things, the whales, and the whalers.  I think the bad guys on this show are the evil Sea Shepherds.

I learned a lot about Paul Watson and the Sea Shepherds last year.  Among other things, these people are a bunch of dangerous, negligent, self-important, ignorant idiots.   As well as having all of the aforementioned traits, Paul Watson is also a Machiavellian liar and a dirty pirate.

This season’s premier began with the Sea Shepherds going apoplectic as whale was killed.  One of the crew actually said that the whalers’ actions were “a deliberate escalation by the Japanese…a response to our actions.”  What a self-important load of crap.  The whalers were killing the whales because it is their job.  This tease foreshadowed the event of ramming the Japanese that made news earlier this year.

The season began with another major system, the compass, broken on the ship.  What a bucket of bolts this ship is.

Then, we saw them deciding which members of the crew were actually going to participate in throwing stink-bombs and slippery bombs onto the decks of the Japanese ships.

Unfortunately, they found the Japanese fleet during the first episode this season.  I think I remember them wandering aimlessly for a few episodes last season.  On the way to the Japanese ship, they saw some whales.  One of the female crew members actually said sarcastically, “At least there are still a few left.”  This shows either a blatant distortion of the facts regarding the whale situation in the Antarctic, or it demonstrates her profound ignorance of it.  I say the chances are 50-50.

Then, they missed the Japanese ship because their ‘navigator’ could not tell the difference between North and South.  So, what was the answer to the situation?  Drive through the ‘treacherous’ ice field, and make it look a lot more dangerous than it is.

The episode ended by showing them running into the ice.  Fools.  There was also a preview of many of the things that are going to occur this season, but I at least will choose to hold off on all of that so I will have something else to gripe the rest of the season.

Another story involving privates and death: the unfortunate demise of Kung Fu

It’s a cliché.  Mothers encourage their children to make sure they have clean underwear on.  Why?  Because, you don’t want someone to see your dirty underwear if you get into an accident. 

Of course, mothers do not say this because they want to keep you from being embarrassed.  If you are in a car accident the force of which rips your pants right off of you, exposing your dirty underwear, you are probably not in a position to worry about how bright and white they are at that point.  In fact, if you see it coming, you’ll probably carpet bomb your boxers anyway.

The point is: your mom’s not worried about how this stuff will affect you, she’s worried about what other people will think about her.  But, in the end she’s right.  You should not embarrass your mother or anyone else who knows you by having the world exposed to your dirty underwear.

I guess it’s pretty obvious at this point that David Carradine’s mother never had this conversation with him.

Yesterday, it was reported that Carradine was found hanged in a hotel room in Bangkok.   This in itself immediately throws up a red flag.  At one point, it was reported that it was a homicide.  Then, later it was reported as a suicide.  At the end of the day, I saw a report that he was also found nude.  Nude…, hanging…, Thailand….  You knew at that point it was going to be sordid.

So, today we awoke with a start to find out that he was found nude in a closet with shoelaces tied around the closet rod, his neck, and his penis…alone.  [shudder]  This is never good.

The world will never be able to hear the phrase, “Snatch the pebble from my hand” without giggling again.

The Foxnews story doesn’t get any better.  Several things in it caught me as interesting.  First, the name of police spokesman who commented on the case was Lt. Gen. Worapong Chewprecha.  Greatest name ever.

The second odd thing was the options given as a cause of death.  “The two ropes were tied together,” he said. “It is unclear whether he committed suicide or not or he died of suffocation or heart failure due to an orgasm.”  I’ll bet Carradine’s mother would not choose the oragasm option.

I found the following quote interesting.  “All we can say is, we know David would never have committed suicide,” said Tiffany Smith, of Binder & Associates, his management company. “We’re just waiting for them to finish the investigation and find out what really happened. He really appreciated everything life has to give … and that’s not something David would ever do to himself.”  I think the obvious question at this point is; Is anyone in a position claim to know what motivated Carradine and what he was capable of ‘doing to himself’ at this point?

Finally, he was 72.  I guess if people are going to continue to prove that they are incapable of knowing when its time to leave their privates alone, we will have to legislate the point at which the privates are no longer allowed to be used for sexual functions.

In a related story, residents of Conisbrough, South Yorkshire, England in a failed attempt to balance to karmic implications of the Carradine imbroglio have changed the name of Butt Hole Road to Archers Way.

American Idol Season 8 Finals Results Show, Wednesday May 20, 2009

I am trying to prepare to have Idol waste two hours of my life tonight.  I expect multiple sub-par musical acts, tiring retrospectives of the season, bad group songs, 15 minute commercial breaks, and badly scripted dialogue from Ryan that will go on and on.

Both contestants looked very odd dressed in white, and it was not a good look for either of them.  Can’t we get the microphones turned on by now?  It’s the last show in Season 8!

After watching the first song, I have an idea.  Record tonight’s performance, buy their album when it is released (if you want to).  Then, instead of pending your hard earned cash, and wasting your time going to see them in concert, you could just play the video from this performance while you listen to the album.  Since they will be lip-syncing, it will be the same vocal recording anyway.  Also, what the hell was Alison screaming at me during that song?

David Cook took the stage, and reminded us why he won last season.  See Jordan, that’s what a real American Idol sounds like when he puts out an album (also, Rueben, Taylor and Fantasia can take notes on this).  That was a great song.  I also liked the classy way he chose to pay tribute to his brother.

I was intrigued by the Golden Idol Awards.  This could actually be funny, and it was for a little while.  Then, they brought out Norman Gentle.  I quickly realized how little I had missed him since he left the show.

Lil Rounds came out and spared up Queen Latifa.  She sounded the best that she has all season.  She also looked better than she did all season.  Maybe she just looks better in black.  The song was better than a lot of stuff that they have had on the show this season.

The song with Alexis Grace, Anoop Dseai and Jason Mraz singing “I’m Yours” was just great.  That song is just cool.  Anoop was really good on it also.

Then we got the obligatory Kris Allen retrospective.

Kris Allen and Keith Urban then teamed up for a duet on “Kiss a Girl.”  It reminded me of a country version of a Bryan Adams song.  It was pretty good.  It seemed like an odd change for Kris who showed us he can sing Michael Jackson and Santana this season.

The girls from this season came out and did a song next.  I was reminded immediately why I hate that ice-pick of a voice that Megan Joy Corkery has.  Then I realized that she is Fergie Jr when Fergie the stage (I now know I hate her voice also).  For some reason someone thought it would be good add Black-Eyed Peas to this recipe.  It was horrendous, but still better than Lady Gaga or Jamie Foxx.  My favorite part of this was the technical difficulty.

Katrina Darrell the Bikini girl has definitely improved her talents during the time she was off the show.  Having Kara sing with her was pretty genius, but I don’t think Katrina really needed her to augment the performance.

Allison then greeted us with the worst version of “Time After Time” that I’ve ever heard.  It’s a pretty song.  All of that affectedness makes it sound awful.  Thank goodness Cyndi Lauper was there to bail it out.  That is, until it just got weird near the end.  Next time I would rather hear Cyndi by herself.

Danny then came out and sang “Hello.”  Lionel is better, but then he joined Danny on stage.  I wish he would record some more popular music again.  I really like Lionel’s voice.  It is holding up much better than a lot of the artists that they have on the show.  How about him as a mentor next season?

Then we got the Adam retrospective.

Adam was wearing the craziest, gayest outfit I have ever seen on the show.  He sort of reminded me of the Gimp from Pulp Fiction.  He was joined by Kiss.  There was something wrong and unstable about this pairing.  Kiss’s act wore out 30 years ago.

If this is what Clive intends to do with Adam, he will be the next Idol failure.  He could make a ton of money if they could figure out how to incorporate his voice into some pop music, but I’m afraid that he will be forced to go toward the metal stuff.  That would be a failed move.  That audience does not watch Idol, and the Idol audience does not listen to that stuff.

Santana took the stage after the break.  The guitar solo was cool, and the way they brought Matt out for Black Magic Woman was the best piece of production this season.  The group song was pretty good there also.

Megan Joy, Michael Sarver and Steve Martin.  What the hell?  Michael was good.  Megan destroyed bluegrass music.  It is now dead as an art form.  I liked the song (after I successfully blocked Megan out).  Who knew Steve Martin was a blue grass artist.

The guys’ song was a little uncomfortable, but it let us know that Rod Stuart and his Jacket were in the house.  I think the frog in his throat should have received a credit also.  The dancing was completely unnecessary, but the mandolin player was cool.  Did they really say he was going on tour?  Really?  Sure it has been cancelled after that.

I realize that the next bit was just to give Tatiana an excuse to sing, but she did not belong with those people.  However, the bit with her and Ryan was actually funny.

Adam was finally going to sing a Queen song, “We are the Champions”.  I’ve waited all season for that even if it is a duet with Kris.  It was great.  It was also good that some of the member of queen were there.

And the winner is…Kris Allen.

I hope they both do very well.

American Idol Season 8 Finale, Tuesday May 19, 2009

What the hell is a “Guy Miner?”  Ryan Seacrest is an idiot.  I am sure he said something else, but both my wife and I heard ‘guy miner.’  I still don’t have any idea what he was saying.  Can’t we get some better writing than this on the biggest show of the season?

Adam Lambert, “Mad World”- I liked as much as I did the first time.  This is the perfect song for him.  In fact the longer version makes it much better.  His soft voice is brilliant.

The judge gushed over it except for Simon who oddly chose this song to discover that Adam is theatrical.

Kris Allen, “Ain’t No Sunshine”- The beginning of this song was simply amazing, and when it picked up, it was just as good.  I think that he looks better behind the piano than with the guitar.  This was the best that he has done, and was every bit as good as Adam’s

The judges loved this one as well.  Simon called round one for Kris.  I thought this was a little unnecessary.

Simon Fuller picked the songs for the second round.

Adam Lambert, “Change Is Gonna Come”- I thought that this was an odd choice for him, but of course, he could sing anything.  I might have thought that Aretha was singing this.  Amazing.  His emotion was incredible.

The judges practically lost it with praise.  Simon informed us that Adam was back in the game.  Really?  Was he really ‘out of the game’ in the first round.  I think Simon is drinking his own Cool-Aid.

Kris Allen, “What’s Going On?”- This song was cool, but it definitely paled in comparison with the last song by Adam.  That being said, there was really nothing to criticize about the performance.

Randy described it well as a song that was a little ‘light’.  Kara and Paula loved it.  Simon did not like it very well.  These criticisms are why I do not think someone else should be allowed to pick songs for the contestants at this point.

Simon informed us that Adam won round two.

Adam, “No Boundaries”- I hate the idea of Idol (and Kara) using this point of the show for self-promotion.  That being said, Adam turned this into a pretty respectable rock anthem even if it the lyrics were a little sappy.

Randy thought it was a little pitchy.  Kara and Paula loved it.  Simon simply congratulated him.

Kris, “No Boundaries”- His version was little more traditional.  It was very good until he forgot the lyrics… twice.  I don’t think you get to do that it this point in the competition.  The song was also a little too high for him.  His voice just sounded tired.

Suddenly, the judges did not want to judge him on this song.  What?  Isn’t that what this show is all about?  They seemed to have a decent time judging Adam’s performance of the song.  I have an Idea.  LET THE CONTESTANTS PICK THEIR OWN MUSIC!!!!  Then we don’t have to worry about this nonsense.

I like Kris and I wish him well, but I choose Adam from the first to the last.

American Idol Top 3 Results Show, Season 8, Wednesday May 13, 2009

I am really worried about tonight’s results show.  Everywhere I look, I see more and more Adam haters.  Please, please let him go through.

The Night At The Museum intro was one of the worst examples of unfunny cross-promotion ever to be foisted on the television medium.  So, so unnecessary.

Someone needs to introduce Alicia Keys to a wonderful new invention, the bra.  She might as well have been naked (Hmmmm.).  Her job was to introduce us to one of the strangest performances ever seen on Idol.  She explained that he, Noah, had learned the song ‘in English’ this week, and it was obvious that the producers’ strategy was to put a lot of singers around him and keep him way, way down in the mix.  He definitely exuded some sort of confidence, but you would have thought the Idol producers and choreographers might have assisted him a little with his stage performance.  Then again, I could be very conspiratorial and assume that the Idol producers and chorographers did assist him with his performance, and that was what they thought would have the most audience impact.  I truly hope that they would know better than to do that.

Danny was brought out onto the stage first, and all we got was ‘blah, blah, blah’ from Ryan.  Kris came out to more of the same.  Apparently Ryan thought that no one in the viewing audience watched the show last night.

I was sort of worried about the Jordan Sparks performance because I haven’t liked anything she has done since she was a contestant.  I did not care for this song either, but for the most part she sang it well.  I find that I spend a lot of time every season criticizing female Idol contestants for choosing songs that are too low for them.  This criticism rises to a whole new level when the song that you choose to sing is off your own album, and it is too low for you.  This, unfortunately, was the case for Jordan.  She also screamed much of the song.

We, then were treated to the same thing for Adam that we got for Danny and Kris.  “Blah, blah, blah.”  Couldn’t this have been a 30 minute show, and allowed me more time to watch Lost?  He deserves extra points for being smart enough to sing the national anthem straight up without tricking it up at all.  Greatness.

Nice production having Katie Perry’s mic turned down when she started to sing.  You would think that they would get better at this after 8 seasons.  As far as Katie Perry went, she also sang a song that was too low for her that was hers.  She looked hot, if also slutty, and her song was the equivalent of vocal nihilism.  Does anyone worry about writing a lyric at all anymore?  There may only be seven different notes in music, but there are millions of words and phrases in the English language.  This is where you can get very creative in a song.  She was also very pitchy.  At least she did not use a voice harmonizer.

Kris was named in the first spot next week, and my stomach got a knot in it.  Adam went through, and my faith in America was once again restored.  Good bye Danny.  He was really very good.