American Idol Season 8 Finals Results Show, Wednesday May 20, 2009

I am trying to prepare to have Idol waste two hours of my life tonight.  I expect multiple sub-par musical acts, tiring retrospectives of the season, bad group songs, 15 minute commercial breaks, and badly scripted dialogue from Ryan that will go on and on.

Both contestants looked very odd dressed in white, and it was not a good look for either of them.  Can’t we get the microphones turned on by now?  It’s the last show in Season 8!

After watching the first song, I have an idea.  Record tonight’s performance, buy their album when it is released (if you want to).  Then, instead of pending your hard earned cash, and wasting your time going to see them in concert, you could just play the video from this performance while you listen to the album.  Since they will be lip-syncing, it will be the same vocal recording anyway.  Also, what the hell was Alison screaming at me during that song?

David Cook took the stage, and reminded us why he won last season.  See Jordan, that’s what a real American Idol sounds like when he puts out an album (also, Rueben, Taylor and Fantasia can take notes on this).  That was a great song.  I also liked the classy way he chose to pay tribute to his brother.

I was intrigued by the Golden Idol Awards.  This could actually be funny, and it was for a little while.  Then, they brought out Norman Gentle.  I quickly realized how little I had missed him since he left the show.

Lil Rounds came out and spared up Queen Latifa.  She sounded the best that she has all season.  She also looked better than she did all season.  Maybe she just looks better in black.  The song was better than a lot of stuff that they have had on the show this season.

The song with Alexis Grace, Anoop Dseai and Jason Mraz singing “I’m Yours” was just great.  That song is just cool.  Anoop was really good on it also.

Then we got the obligatory Kris Allen retrospective.

Kris Allen and Keith Urban then teamed up for a duet on “Kiss a Girl.”  It reminded me of a country version of a Bryan Adams song.  It was pretty good.  It seemed like an odd change for Kris who showed us he can sing Michael Jackson and Santana this season.

The girls from this season came out and did a song next.  I was reminded immediately why I hate that ice-pick of a voice that Megan Joy Corkery has.  Then I realized that she is Fergie Jr when Fergie the stage (I now know I hate her voice also).  For some reason someone thought it would be good add Black-Eyed Peas to this recipe.  It was horrendous, but still better than Lady Gaga or Jamie Foxx.  My favorite part of this was the technical difficulty.

Katrina Darrell the Bikini girl has definitely improved her talents during the time she was off the show.  Having Kara sing with her was pretty genius, but I don’t think Katrina really needed her to augment the performance.

Allison then greeted us with the worst version of “Time After Time” that I’ve ever heard.  It’s a pretty song.  All of that affectedness makes it sound awful.  Thank goodness Cyndi Lauper was there to bail it out.  That is, until it just got weird near the end.  Next time I would rather hear Cyndi by herself.

Danny then came out and sang “Hello.”  Lionel is better, but then he joined Danny on stage.  I wish he would record some more popular music again.  I really like Lionel’s voice.  It is holding up much better than a lot of the artists that they have on the show.  How about him as a mentor next season?

Then we got the Adam retrospective.

Adam was wearing the craziest, gayest outfit I have ever seen on the show.  He sort of reminded me of the Gimp from Pulp Fiction.  He was joined by Kiss.  There was something wrong and unstable about this pairing.  Kiss’s act wore out 30 years ago.

If this is what Clive intends to do with Adam, he will be the next Idol failure.  He could make a ton of money if they could figure out how to incorporate his voice into some pop music, but I’m afraid that he will be forced to go toward the metal stuff.  That would be a failed move.  That audience does not watch Idol, and the Idol audience does not listen to that stuff.

Santana took the stage after the break.  The guitar solo was cool, and the way they brought Matt out for Black Magic Woman was the best piece of production this season.  The group song was pretty good there also.

Megan Joy, Michael Sarver and Steve Martin.  What the hell?  Michael was good.  Megan destroyed bluegrass music.  It is now dead as an art form.  I liked the song (after I successfully blocked Megan out).  Who knew Steve Martin was a blue grass artist.

The guys’ song was a little uncomfortable, but it let us know that Rod Stuart and his Jacket were in the house.  I think the frog in his throat should have received a credit also.  The dancing was completely unnecessary, but the mandolin player was cool.  Did they really say he was going on tour?  Really?  Sure it has been cancelled after that.

I realize that the next bit was just to give Tatiana an excuse to sing, but she did not belong with those people.  However, the bit with her and Ryan was actually funny.

Adam was finally going to sing a Queen song, “We are the Champions”.  I’ve waited all season for that even if it is a duet with Kris.  It was great.  It was also good that some of the member of queen were there.

And the winner is…Kris Allen.

I hope they both do very well.

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American Idol Season 8 Finale, Tuesday May 19, 2009

What the hell is a “Guy Miner?”  Ryan Seacrest is an idiot.  I am sure he said something else, but both my wife and I heard ‘guy miner.’  I still don’t have any idea what he was saying.  Can’t we get some better writing than this on the biggest show of the season?

Adam Lambert, “Mad World”- I liked as much as I did the first time.  This is the perfect song for him.  In fact the longer version makes it much better.  His soft voice is brilliant.

The judge gushed over it except for Simon who oddly chose this song to discover that Adam is theatrical.

Kris Allen, “Ain’t No Sunshine”- The beginning of this song was simply amazing, and when it picked up, it was just as good.  I think that he looks better behind the piano than with the guitar.  This was the best that he has done, and was every bit as good as Adam’s

The judges loved this one as well.  Simon called round one for Kris.  I thought this was a little unnecessary.

Simon Fuller picked the songs for the second round.

Adam Lambert, “Change Is Gonna Come”- I thought that this was an odd choice for him, but of course, he could sing anything.  I might have thought that Aretha was singing this.  Amazing.  His emotion was incredible.

The judges practically lost it with praise.  Simon informed us that Adam was back in the game.  Really?  Was he really ‘out of the game’ in the first round.  I think Simon is drinking his own Cool-Aid.

Kris Allen, “What’s Going On?”- This song was cool, but it definitely paled in comparison with the last song by Adam.  That being said, there was really nothing to criticize about the performance.

Randy described it well as a song that was a little ‘light’.  Kara and Paula loved it.  Simon did not like it very well.  These criticisms are why I do not think someone else should be allowed to pick songs for the contestants at this point.

Simon informed us that Adam won round two.

Adam, “No Boundaries”- I hate the idea of Idol (and Kara) using this point of the show for self-promotion.  That being said, Adam turned this into a pretty respectable rock anthem even if it the lyrics were a little sappy.

Randy thought it was a little pitchy.  Kara and Paula loved it.  Simon simply congratulated him.

Kris, “No Boundaries”- His version was little more traditional.  It was very good until he forgot the lyrics… twice.  I don’t think you get to do that it this point in the competition.  The song was also a little too high for him.  His voice just sounded tired.

Suddenly, the judges did not want to judge him on this song.  What?  Isn’t that what this show is all about?  They seemed to have a decent time judging Adam’s performance of the song.  I have an Idea.  LET THE CONTESTANTS PICK THEIR OWN MUSIC!!!!  Then we don’t have to worry about this nonsense.

I like Kris and I wish him well, but I choose Adam from the first to the last.