Another story involving privates and death: the unfortunate demise of Kung Fu

It’s a cliché.  Mothers encourage their children to make sure they have clean underwear on.  Why?  Because, you don’t want someone to see your dirty underwear if you get into an accident. 

Of course, mothers do not say this because they want to keep you from being embarrassed.  If you are in a car accident the force of which rips your pants right off of you, exposing your dirty underwear, you are probably not in a position to worry about how bright and white they are at that point.  In fact, if you see it coming, you’ll probably carpet bomb your boxers anyway.

The point is: your mom’s not worried about how this stuff will affect you, she’s worried about what other people will think about her.  But, in the end she’s right.  You should not embarrass your mother or anyone else who knows you by having the world exposed to your dirty underwear.

I guess it’s pretty obvious at this point that David Carradine’s mother never had this conversation with him.

Yesterday, it was reported that Carradine was found hanged in a hotel room in Bangkok.   This in itself immediately throws up a red flag.  At one point, it was reported that it was a homicide.  Then, later it was reported as a suicide.  At the end of the day, I saw a report that he was also found nude.  Nude…, hanging…, Thailand….  You knew at that point it was going to be sordid.

So, today we awoke with a start to find out that he was found nude in a closet with shoelaces tied around the closet rod, his neck, and his penis…alone.  [shudder]  This is never good.

The world will never be able to hear the phrase, “Snatch the pebble from my hand” without giggling again.

The Foxnews story doesn’t get any better.  Several things in it caught me as interesting.  First, the name of police spokesman who commented on the case was Lt. Gen. Worapong Chewprecha.  Greatest name ever.

The second odd thing was the options given as a cause of death.  “The two ropes were tied together,” he said. “It is unclear whether he committed suicide or not or he died of suffocation or heart failure due to an orgasm.”  I’ll bet Carradine’s mother would not choose the oragasm option.

I found the following quote interesting.  “All we can say is, we know David would never have committed suicide,” said Tiffany Smith, of Binder & Associates, his management company. “We’re just waiting for them to finish the investigation and find out what really happened. He really appreciated everything life has to give … and that’s not something David would ever do to himself.”  I think the obvious question at this point is; Is anyone in a position claim to know what motivated Carradine and what he was capable of ‘doing to himself’ at this point?

Finally, he was 72.  I guess if people are going to continue to prove that they are incapable of knowing when its time to leave their privates alone, we will have to legislate the point at which the privates are no longer allowed to be used for sexual functions.

In a related story, residents of Conisbrough, South Yorkshire, England in a failed attempt to balance to karmic implications of the Carradine imbroglio have changed the name of Butt Hole Road to Archers Way.

Top 100 Creepy People 31-40

Creepy Person #40- Juliette Lewis

She is creepy in the same way that Courtney love is, except that she looks much, much dirtier.  Yuck.

 

Creepy Person #39- Simcha Jacobovici

This guy is otherwise known as the Naked Archeologist, though he is neither naked (thank, God) or an archaeologist.  He is creepy because he puts forth the most outlandish theories, while simply ignoring the facts and generally accepted theories in archaeology.  His ideas are almost always sensational, and often offensive to certain religions.  He presents one side of the argument, and spends the rest of his time trying every way he can to sway the person watching him, while leaving out any views or facts contrary to his own no matter how valid or strong they are.  You can find some of his handy work in the generally panned production of The Jesus Tomb, but I encourage you not to listen to a thing this creepy bastard has to say.

 

Creepy Person #38- Pauly Shore

Hey Bu-ddy!  He’s pretty much the whole creepy package minus the evil part.  He is the kind of creepy that can ruin a good party the moment he walks in the door.

 

Creepy Person #37- Tonya Harding

Novels could be written about this creepy girl.  She proved you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.  The dolled-up girl who went out on the ice was the same girl who had her truck-driver hubby try to break the leg of a fellow competitor, nice.  The next time America heard from her, she was doing the Paris Hilton thing, and not even getting paid for it.  The last time I saw her she was going to be fighting another celebrity on television.  Her life has been one big creepy train-wreck.

 

Creepy Person #36- Kathy Bates

She makes the list for scaring the sh— out of me.  He character, Annie Wilkes, in Misery, is one of the scariest characters to ever grace the screen.  After James Caan’s character hides the knife under the bed, and then wakes up to her obviously unhappy face, I literally jumped.  She definitely deserved the Oscar she received for this roll, and she is the highest rated actress to make this list simply for one roll.  Congratulations, Kathy!

 

Creepy Person #35- Michael Vick

Here the list begins to transition more from people who looked or acted creepy to more people who do creepy things.  What Michael Vick did to those dogs was not funny, but it was definitely creepy, and I wish him all the failure in the world for it.

 

Creepy Person #34- Lorena Bobbitt

In a masterful piece of cosmic irony this crazy woman married a man with the last name of Bobbitt.  Fewer things haunt the recesses of man’s mind like the specter of having a woman do to him what Lorena did to her husband.  And remember guys, she got away with it.  That gives every other woman license to do the same.  I can’t type too much more on this one, because it just makes me too darn nervous.

 

Creepy Person #33- Victor Vernado

Who’s he?  He is a guy who was born with a genetic advantage when it comes to playing the evil villain.  He’s albino.  As unfair and un-PC as it is, albinism is creepy.  Many of the creepiest villains in cinematic history were albinos, and do not get all judgmental, just imagine yourself in a darkened alley on a humid night alone.  You look up and see an albino looking at you.  You’ll feel the creepiness going right up your spine.

 

Creepy Person #32- Marv Albert

The toupee is enough, and may rate its own creepy rating, but he mainly makes it from the sexual assault charges.  It was a sordid and very creepy tale.

 

Creepy Person #31- Paul Ruebens-

The PeeWee Herman character was creepy enough, especially knowing that he geared his comedy toward children, but Reubens had to go and ruin his career in a most creepy manner.  If you don’t remember, he was busted in a porno theatre with his pants around his ankles loving himself as no other could.  And, if you’ve ever seen him without the PeeWee getup, you will see he is just one creepy looking guy.  Finally, having ‘Mr. Rooney’ from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off busted in his house for possessing little boy porn just put him over the creepy edge.

Top 100 Creepy People Criteria

Top 100 Creepy People 10-1

Top 100 Creepy People 21-30

Top 100 Creepy People 31-40

Top 100 Creepy People 41-50

Top 100 Creepy People 51-60

Top 100 Creepy People 61-70

Top 100 Creepy People 71-80

Top 100 Creepy People 81-90

Top 100 Creepy People 91-100

 

 

Lists