My Favorite New Picture

New Nicknames for some of the Cowboys

Yesterday, I watched as once again, it was proved that it is more important to have heart than talent.  It was the poorest showing by a Cowboy team in the biggest game that I can remember.  The worst part is that this team is indeed very talented, and this year, the NFL is as wide open as I ever remember it.

As I sat watching the game (if you want to call it that), I cam up with some nicknames that I thought might be appropriate for several of the players that graced the Cowboy’s roster this year.  Enjoy:

Tony Romo– “Intentional Grounding Gump“-  There is so much to consider with this guy.  He can not seem to hit the broad side of a barn, and when ever teams keep him in the pocket, he has no idea what he should do.  The whole ‘golly-gee’ bit was cute at first, but he needs to realize that he is now a $60,000,000 quarterback on the biggest team in sports.  I really wonder about how bright he really is.  I keep expecting him to tell Adrea Kramer that ‘life is like a box of chocolates.’

T.O.- “Big Mouth”–  Shut up and catch the ball every now and then.

Roy Williams- “Big Nothing”- And, that’s exactly what the Cowboys got for their trade with the Lions.

Flozell Adams- “Big Early”- No one commits as many illegal motion penalties as the big guy.

Jason Witten- “Little Early”- No one, that is, except for our starting tight end.

Andre Gurode- “Surprise!”- He has the uncanny ability to surprise defenses as well as his own quarterback with his ill-timed snaps.  And, if Romo looks ready, he’ll just snap it right over his head.

Nick Folk- “90 Degrees”- Possesses the strange quality of being able to kick the ball at a right angle.  This is not so bad for Cowboy fans though, because in this case the opposing team only gets to start on the 40 yard line.

Sam Paulescu- “Minus 20”-  This name refers to the 20 yards that the Cowboys give up in field position because this guy is punting instead of Matt McBriar.

Pacman Jones- “Latitude”- He only runs East/West.

Terrence Newman- “Tunnel Vision”-  This refers to Newman’s innate ability to stick to a receiver like glue. watching his eyes intently as the ball sails over his own should and into the receiver’s arms.

Miles Austin- “What The Hell Were You Thinking On That Pitch!”

Feel free to leave any that you might think of.

Does the Constitution Say Anything About Grooming Issues?

There are several reasons that it would be good to go back to the 1950s.  One of these involves grooming issues.  Back then, a man wore his hair short, the only way his barber knew how to cut it.  Of course, there was the occasional ‘greaser,’ but even those guys had nice hair by today’s standards.

It was the 60s and hippies that destroyed hair in America.  The 70s were just an extension of the 60s and in the 80s hairstyles were just a mistake.  It took us until the end of the 1980’s and the introduction of the show “Friends” to finally get a handle on hairstyles once again.

In the last few years, for the most part hairstyles have improved, except in one area, the dreadlock.  Dreadlocks are way out of hand.  This phenomenon seems to have come out of the sports world, and proliferated itself on the heels of the institution of the ‘Emmitt Smith Rule’ in which players were no longer allowed to remove their helmets in the field of play.

Players like Troy Polamalu have started to wear dreadlocks so long that they come out of their helmets and go significantly down their backs.  The problem is that the league did not deal with this issue early on.  There are several reasons for the league to outlaw this nonsense:

1. It’s unsightly.  It just looks bad.
2. It’s not part of the uniform.  In a league where you can be fined for not wearing your socks in the correct manner during a game, It seems to be a little hypocritical to allow a player to wear his hair so long that neither the player’s number nor his name can be seen clearly.
3. It is either dangerous or unfair.  I believe that it is dangerous to tackle these players by the hair (though it could serve as an effective deterrent).  It could easily break a neck, but on the other hand, it is unfair to protect these players against being tackled by their hair as it covers their whole back in some cases.  There was actually a flag thrown for unsportsmanlike conduct in a Cowboys/Steelers game when Polamalu was tackled in this manner after an interception.

Of course, this is all bogus, and the league will have to deal with it eventually.  Now, the player’s union has become involved in support of the players who want ridiculously long hair, and the league has allowed the argument to be changed into a racial issue.  This will make it much harder to deal with.

A similar subject occurred this week when a court allowed a Rastafarian to sue his employer, Jiffy Lube over a new policy that required employees to be clean-shaven.  He is suing on religious grounds.  I do not see how this lawsuit (which was dismissed once already) can be allowed to go forward.  There is no inherent right to dress the way you want to in the workplace.  Many jobs require their employees to wear uniforms, and most county health departments will not allow employees at restaurants to have facial hair.  What happens when a Muslim woman claims that she must wear a head-covering in her job at a bank, for instance?  Or, what if some kooky religion that bans clothing comes along?  Will we then be forced to employee a naked nurse (I actually support this in some cases)?  The implications are huge, and as we all know, in the civil courts in America precedent is everything.  Once Pandora gets out of this box, we are all in trouble.

In closing, Get A Haircut!

NFL Rightly Suspends Players for Doping

I became incensed yesterday when, while listening to the radio, I heard “The Goose,” a local Dallas newspaper reporter known for his own self-assuredness on a radio show with local talk show host Norm Hitzges.  In this weekly segment, Norm had asked about the looming suspensions for the NFL players who had recently tested positive for steroids.  The Goose in his somewhat cocky life persona informed Norm that the six players (running back Deuce McAllister and defensive linemen Charles Grant and Will Smith of New Orleans; defensive linemen Kevin and Pat Williams of Minnesota; and long snapper Bryan Pittman of Houston) would not be suspended until the beginning of next season.

My immediate reaction to this was to day, “What the hell?”  This made absolutely no sense whatsoever to me. 

He continued his argument by saying that to suspend these players at this time (going into the playoff run) would be unfair to other players on teams like Minnesota that would arguably be devastated by any such move.  I immediately thought, “But, they cheated in this season, and their teams benefitted from it.”  Any suspensions should rightfully be handed down in the season in which the cheating (and that is exactly what it is) occurred.  As far as the team goes, if they did not create an atmosphere in their own locker room in which this kind of thing would not be considered, then it is on the team also.

Of course, there is no way to really fix the problem.  All of the teams that had to play early in the season against a strong Minnesota run defense anchored by a couple of cheaters had a tougher time than some teams possibly in their own divisions (or possibly in a race for the playoffs) will have from this point on, and none of that is taken into account when it comes to tie-breakers.

So, when I woke up this morning and discovered that The Goose was once again talking out of his ass, and the commissioner had rightly suspended all of these players for the rest of the season, I felt better.  Good for Goodell.

I’ll bet his lifetime stats are awesome!

This is just funny.  giggle.  It hardly seems fair, though.

Wheels-off Monday Night Football Game

Last night’s Monday Night Football game had some issues.  The problems began before the game even started with Kat Deluna’s atrocious rendition of the National Anthem.  This will go down in history as one of the worst in a long line of terrible renditions of this song.  It was a terrible version filled with growling and runs all over the place.  It was off-key and badly sung in general.  At least she was all into herself instead of the lyrics.  They could have found someone better at the American Idol tryouts.  Thanks to Dallas fans for appropriately booing her sorry ass.

Being on ESPN, we had to put up with the idiot, Tony Kornheiser.  Now that Bryant Gumble is gone, he is, bar none, the worst sports commentator on television.  Last night, as I was frantically and unsuccessfully trying to get “The Ticket” (the Cowboys’ flagship station) to tune in on my radio, I came to the horrible realization that I would rather listen to Brent Musberger.  I never thought I would say that, but sadly it is true.

It is apparent that whatever the ESPN commentators are talking about is much more important than anything else that must be going on, especially the game itself.  At one point Stuart Scott was making some general point about DeSean Jackson after a play where he obviously got hurt.  Since the injury did not do anything to bolster his argument, I guess Scott felt that the injury was not worth mentioning.  Also, it is evident that ESPN is not concerned with providing their audience with a replay even if there is a questionable component to a play.  Thank goodness the refs finally got one right when they reversed the claim that a ball had been tipped (by a phantom, I guess) late in the game.  It was obvious that the ESPN crew was not even watching the game at that point, and it took the refs to point out the play to them.  Thank goodness for Tivo/DVR.  With it, I am able to rewind and review pertinent events of the game on my own, and then fast forward past all of the “blah, blah, blah.  There has to be someone better than this crew out there.  Please find them.

This all being said, the viewers of the game were treated to one of the best Monday Night Football games in history.  What an enjoyable shootout it was.  I make no secret of the fact that I am from the Dallas area, and am a lifelong Dallas fan, and as a result, an Eagles (and Redskins) hater.  This made the game all the better for me.  The rest of the league is lucky that the Cowboys, Eagles and Giants have to play six games against each other this season.  Overall, it was a great game, but it was not perfect on either side of the ball or with the striped shirts.

On this point, I want to say first that I do not consider myself to be a bad fan, one that always complains and finds fault in a game.  There are those guys who would pick apart a victory if their team won 50-0.  I am not like that, but that does not mean that I am blinded by victory either.

One thing that I believe is very hard for players to overcome is a tendency to make bad in-game decisions.  There are those players who perform well, but in certain situations fall apart or make catastrophic mistake.  Usually, this is occurs under pressure.

Monday night’s game had more than its fair share of these moments.  Some times a play simply underscores the fact that a player is a knucklehead in general.  Cowboy fans can thank DeSean Jackson for replacing Leon Lett as the player who made the most boneheaded decision in league history.  Get ready Eagles fans, I’m sure you will have years to enjoy the antics of this idiot if he can survive the Philadelphia media.  There is a great quote from Bull Durham that applies well to this discussion.  Crash Davis says, “Come on, ‘rook, show us that million-dollar arm. ‘Cause I got; oh yeah, I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours.”

Jackson’s folly overshadowed two other brain-dead plays that had a much greater impact on the game.  Late in the game, Donovan McNabb did his best Lucy Van Pelt impersonation when he stuck the ball out for Brian Westbrook, drew is back, and then stuck it back out again just in time to cause a game-changing fumble.  There is really no good explanation for this play, but he was just matching a equally bad decision made by Romo earlier in the game.

In that instance, Romo went to pitch the ball back to Marion Barber III, and had it slip out of his hands in his own end zone. Romo, instead of kicking the ball out of the end zone for a safety, the appropriate play at the time, picked it up.  This allowed him the opportunity to perform a Romo-like play and simply throw the ball away, as he was outside of the pocket when he got to it.  Instead, however, he picked up the ball, and looked for a moment as if he thought he were Barry Sanders, and was going to run it out of the end zone from eight yards deep himself.  Unfortunately, when he looked up there were four Eagles there ready to fustigate him.  Again, instead of making the good decision, and taking the safety, he decided to try to throw the ball away too late, and handed the Eagles a touchdown.

Look, I like Romo, and think he is one of the most talented quarterbacks in the game of football today.  The problem is that I am beginning to worry about his ‘five cent head.’  Tony has shown a propensity for the bonehead play in his career so far, be it the faulty hold against Seattle, untimely interceptions or his highlight play when he scrambled all over the field for a first down (it was still a bad football decision, though it was very entertaining to watch.).  Many people have compared his ‘gunslinger’ mentality to Brett Favre (I hate these nauseous comparisons.).  We are told that ‘when you have a guy like this, you have to take the bad with the good.’  I don’t get this argument.  I just want the good.  I want a player’s great talent and ability to be bolstered by him smart in-game decisions.  That is what wins championships.  I’m starting to be afraid that when the chips are on the line, in a must-win game, that his ‘gunslinger’ mentality will result in Cowboy fans being shot through the heart.  I truly hope I am wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ding, Dong: Bryant Gumbel is Finally Off of the NFL Network

Usually, I find myself griping about one thing or another on my blog.  It is often sadly true that bad news outnumbers or outweighs good news.  Today, however, I read a great story.  In fact, I cannot think of a thing that would make me much happier than the news I read today.  World peace would be nice, but I don’t know that I would put it above this news.  Cheap gas might slightly edge it out, but maybe not.

So what is this most momentous news?  Bryant Gumbel has been replaced on the NFL network football broadcasts this year.  I get heady just thinking about it.  There has never been a poorer broadcaster in the history of broadcasting, and I include the ‘boom goes the dynamite guy’ in this.  At least Brian Collins of Ball State knew that he was sucking.  Bryant Gumbel, on the other hand, brought the added irritant of being an arrogant ass to go with his ignorant and distracted commentating.

I had high hopes for a very professional channel that would provide the average NFL fan with tons of worthwhile information when this network was started, but Gumbel, alone, kept anyone from taking the venture too seriously.  By dropping this ‘boat anchor’, they have a good chance to rehabilitate their image.  I do not know a whole lot about his replacement, but his radio background should help.

I, personally, would like to see this network recreate my favorite NFL show, Inside the NFL with real hosts, not the spares that they populate much of the productions on this network with (excepting Collinsworth).  If they did, I would watch it every week.

“F” Favre

So, when did Brett Favre actually become a woman?

Watching him decide to retire (or not) over the past few season has been like watching my wife decide where to put a picture on the wall, except that she can come to a decision and stick with it better that he does.

I’ve never seen a male with a greater sense of entitlement while still maintaining the ability to constantly change his mind.  Hey Brett, I went through 10,000 hours worth of Sportscenter bemoaning your retirement or the possibility thereof for the last couple of years.  I’m tired of it.  Go away already.

This guy feels that he, because he is Brett Favre, can expect his fans and former team to accept anything that he suggests.  Obviously it is not in the Packers’ best interest to bring him back at this point.  They have committed to Aaron Rodgers.  How could it possibly be in their interest to screw the quarterback that they have identified as the future of the club?  According to Peter King,  the packers offered to bring him back earlier this off season when rumors first began, but he flatly said that he did not want to return.

Favre, howver, expects to come back one way or another.  The Packers own his rights, and have rightly decided to move on without him due to his retirement, but now that Brett wants to come back he is whining like a woman that he should be traded if they do not want to play him.  The packers reportedly have said, and rightly so, “Screw that!”  Why would it ever be their best interest to allow him to play for a team that they might have to meet during the season?  That would be stupid, but Brett feels that they owe him this.  Right.

I hope that they bring him back as a back-up (the prep squad would be even better), and put a gag order on the whole team (a la Bill Parcels).  That way every time he whines to the media about it, they can just fine him and get part of his salary back. 

Allow me to join the chorus, “We don’t want you, Brett.  Go back home to your goats.”

Reaction to ESPN’s Top 10 Running Backs List

Due to hectic events, I have been a little remiss in writing lately.  I hope to make up for some of that with this hot sports opinion.

 

ESPN has published a list of the top running backs of all time, and it is a big steaming pile of horse s—.  You know it must be the slowest sports time of the year when they have nothing better to dredge up than the second most tired argument in sports (the first being the Pete Rose Hall of Fame argument)- the ‘who was better Emmitt or Barry’ argument.  I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that the purpose of this article is simply to create interest through ‘shock value.’

 

Here is a short version of the list:

1. JIM BROWN
Career: Upon retiring before ’66 season, the Browns’ RB was all-time leader in rushing yards (12,312), all-purpose yards (15,549) and touchdowns (126).

2. BARRY SANDERS
Career: Sudden retirement in ’99 came with the Lions’ RB trailing only Walter Payton on the all-time rushing list. Ran for more than 1,500 yards in a season five times.

3. WALTER PAYTON
Career: Played on mediocre Bears teams until late in career but retired as leading rusher (16,726) in history.

4. EMMITT SMITH
Career: Smith, who played 13 seasons for Dallas and two for Arizona, took over as all-time rushing leader in ’02. His 164 rushing touchdowns are the most in history.

5. GALE SAYERS
Career: Knee problems forced him to retire in ’71 after seven seasons with the Bears. At 33, he was the youngest person selected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

6. LADAINIAN TOMLINSON
Career: The Chargers’ RB has at least 1,200 rushing yards and 50 receptions in each of his first seven seasons.

7. MARSHALL FAULK
Career: Began career with Indianapolis in ’94 but was traded to St. Louis in ’99 and became cornerstone of “Greatest Show on Turf.” First running back in history to lead his team in receptions in five different seasons.

8. O.J. SIMPSON
Career: The Bills’ great became the first player in NFL history to rush for 2,000 yards in a season when he gained 2,003 in ’73.

9. LENNY MOORE
Credentials: One of Johnny Unitas’ key weapons for the Colts, he scored a touchdown in 18 straight regular-season appearances between ’63 and ’65.

10. ERIC DICKERSON
Credentials: Reached 10,000 rushing yards in 91 games (the fastest pace in history) and rushed for 2,105 yards in ’84. Played for Rams, Colts, Falcons and Raiders.

 

To distance themselves from the ridiculousness of this list, they have been upfront in giving credit/assessing blame to these authors of the list Don Shula, Marv Levy, Dan Reeves, Robert Smith, Jerry Richardson, Floyd Reese, Jack Bushofsky and Emmitt Thomas.

 

I do not have a problem with Jim Brown being at the top of the list.  What he did during the time he was in the league, and when he did it compared with the other running backs of his era, makes his stand out above the rest on the list.

 

I start having problems at number two on the list.  Emmitt Smith is at number four.  I will deal with the tiring Barry/Emmitt argument first.  I do not want to hear about Barry’s self-truncated career any more.  He was a great back, but his career does not compare with Emmitt’s because he threw a fit and quit.  We do not know if he would have had a better career that Emmitt, because,… he quit.  There is no data, and it is not fair to project ‘could have been’ data to an argument such as this.  Barry should be on the list, but I put him at number five.  All of you Barry lovers need to let it go and realize that his early retirement actually hurt his legacy.

 

The authors of this article defend the list by saying that Walter Payton was great while playing most of his career on bad teams.  On the contrary, they spend a whole section of the article backhandedly complimenting Emmitt and explaining his position at number four as a result of the fact that he played with other stars, such as Troy Aikman and Michael Irvin, together with a great offensive line who assisted in making Emmitt good.

 

How about this argument?  It is easier for a great running back to rack up yards on a bad team than a good team.  A bad team will place a larger part of the load on a great running back’s shoulders in order to keep from exposing the other bad parts of the offense.  On the other hand, a player like Emmitt could lose carries to other great players in his offense.  It seems worse than wrong to penalize a player for being on a great team.  The Cowboys played a #1 schedule against some of the best teams (including being in the NFC East) in the league for much of Emmitts career.  Payton and Sanders played much easier schedules in a much weaker division.  Check out Sanders’ performance in games that counted.  He could turn in a nice 25 yard performance with the season on the line.  Emmitt never did this.

 

Emmitt closed the deal also.  He not only set the all-time rushing record and the all-time rushing touchdowns record, he carried the Cowboys to three Superbowl victories in four years.  The article curiously gives some numbers, but does not just lay them out for consumption.  This is, of course, because the numbers do not back up the opinions espoused by the authors.  They oddly say, “Sudden retirement in ’99 came with the Lions’ RB trailing only Walter Payton on the all-time rushing list. Ran for more than 1,500 yards in a season five times”, regarding Barry Sanders.  When it comes time for the quick blurb about Emmitt it says, “Smith, who played 13 seasons for Dallas and two for Arizona, took over as all-time rushing leader in ’02. His 164 rushing touchdowns are the most in history.”  Dallas’ playoff record and Superbowl victories are not mentioned.  Of course, looking pretty as you run down the field is much more important than actually putting skins on the wall.

 

While I believe there is a legitimate debate near the top of the list, it begins to fall apart after Emmitt.  I am truly tired of seeing Gale Sayers at the top of these lists.  He is the biggest example of ‘good old days syndrome’ in sports.  In truth, if he had played in the last few years, we would not have even made the Hall of Fame.  His numbers compare with someone like Terrell Davis, who also had a very good short career, but does not deserve to be in the Hall of Fame.  Unfortunately, the argument that he is in the Hall of Fame is used to bolster many backs such as Davis who do not deserve to be there.

 

Seeing the rest of this list only underscores how difficult it is to have a great and sustained career at running back in the NFL.  Of course, Dickerson belongs on the list and much higher than #10.  He belongs in the top five in my book easily.  Compared with some of the others on the list, and listening to names that arises when the best backs of all time are listed, he may be the most underrated of the greatest running backs in the history of the game.

 

Even though he as a bastard and a killer, O.J. belongs on the list, and I put him at #6.  He was a undeniably the best back of his era.  Faulk probably deserve to be on the list, but he was as much a receiver as a rusher.  He changed the way the position was played, and he has his skins in the wall.  I put him at #7.

 

I’ really like Ladainian Tomlinson, and agree that if he continues to put up number even close to those he has so far, he may end up as the greatest back in the history of the game.  The point is, he has not done it yet, and as a result, I have to give him an incomplete, and cannot include him on the list.  He has already had one ‘career ending’ injury, and was hurt at the end of the last two seasons.  It is too early to give him a place on the list.  When I was in college, as a history major, we talked about the concept of history.  We were told that it is best not to write history until about twenty years after the fact.  This allows time for personal politics and such to wash away, and just leave the facts.  The same goes for this list.  We should at least allow the player’s career to end before evaluating it.

 

Lenny Moore?  Oh yeah, his name just rolls of the tongue in any conversation involving great running backs.  I find it interesting that they say his longevity, and the good job he did on a great team with other great players on the team, propelled him onto the list while these same facts seemed to hold Smith from reaching the top of the list.

 

Here is my list:

1. Jim Brown

2. Emmitt Smith

3. Walter Payton

4. Eric Dickerson

5. Barry Sanders

6. Marshall Faulk

7. OJ Simpson

8. Franco Harris

9. Earl Campbell (There is a big drop off to the last two places, and I might be talked into some else at these two slots).

 

Here are a couple of other lists for comparison, though the second is very suspect:

List 1

List 2

 

The Super Bowl

I went into the Super Bowl with the attitude that it was a win-win for me.  My beloved Cowboys were not present, so I began to evaluate who I wanted to really win or lose the game.

If the hated Giants won (hated, but not hated as much as the Skins or Eagles), the NFC representative would win, and a team that Dallas beat twice and played-well (this is not to say that Dallas had a good performance by the team’s standards, but that they were in the game for the whole game) in their last meeting would also win.  Also, as a good American, I like to root for the underdog (a practice that is easy for any Rangers’ fan).  The Giants would show that they do not need Jeremy Shockey, the third most overrated person in football, behind Dallas’ own Roy Williams, the Chicago defense as a whole, and just ahead of Sean Taylor, who like Selena rode his own death to greatness.

Most importantly, if the Giants won, the Patriots would lose.  No 19-0.  Not the best team ever (that would be the Cowboys dynasty of the 1990’s).  And, that group of cheaters would not set the mark for all-time for other NFL teams.

On the other hand, if the Giants lost, I would be able to tell my grandchildren about watching the game that set the mark for the greatest team in history.  That whiny Eli would lose, as well as the team that Jeremy Shockey plays for.  And finally, and most importantly if the Pats won, I would be able to stop hearing the yearly story about how “the ’72 Dolphins were cracking open another bottle of Champaign”, and then hear the annual interview from that crazy has-been Mercury Morris and the rest of the Dolphins from their nursing homes.

So the point is that I went into the game not really rooting for either team, but simply hoping for a good game, that was until the third quarter when the Pats –up by four- decide that they should go for it on 4^th and 13 instead of kicking the 49 yard field goal.  I was stunned.  I think it even stunned the announcers, who generally fall all over themselves to tell us what a genius Belicheat is.  I like Troy Aikman as a player and as an announcer, but when he suggested that the decision was based upon field position, I did a Three Stooges spit-take.  Football 101, if you do not think your kicker can make the field goal in this situation, you punt.  Simple.  You see it every week.

I have friend who suggested that the reason the Patriots went for it was that they had a greater than 50% record of going for it on 4^th and 10 yards plus.  My take on this is that all those successes did was to reinforce stupid, arrogant behavior.  If you race to beat a train at a railroad crossing, and you beat it the first three times, it does not mean that you should go with the odds and try a forth time.  Trying to beat trains is stupid and arrogant each and every time you try to do it.

And, it was arrogant.  Belicheats decision showed a total lack of respect for a team that had made it to the Superbowl, had dominated his team on defense, and would end up dominating his team on defense. 

This is where I turned on the Patriots, and I was especially thrilled when they lost by three points (giggle).  Thank you, karma.  And later when news of the planned parade route (see the Mavs for what happens to teams when mayors make this announcement before the game), the copy writing of “19-0”, the sending to press of the book “19-0”, and the new allegations of cheating in previous Superbowls came out, it only served to make me happier that the Pats lost.  I will say this once before I go back to hating them, “Thank you, Giants.”

I just hope that the NFL actually follows up on these new rumors and, if they are true, takes real action against the Pats and Belicheat this time.