Battlegroud Earth Episode One

I watched the new terrible Planet Green Series Battleground Earth last night.   I began keeping score last night, and so far I could not find a winner, or a person even in the lead, but there were losers.  Oh yes, there were losers, and the main loser was the Earth itself.  The program began with Ludacris in a recording studio, and oddly enough, I did not see one tree in the room with him.  There was, however, a lot of recording equipment that looked very high-tech, and not one solar panel to be seen.  As he and Tommy Lee both hopped on large jets and made their respective ways to New Orleans, I began to wonder if they were using Big Blue to calculate the amount of carbon offsets that were going to be required to save the Earth from the damage that this show alone was doing to the environment.  But hey, it was OK, they were destroying the Earth in order to save it, get it?

They proceeded to all pile into minivans and drive all over town (lost) on some sort of scavenger hunt.  As they circled the city with fumes belching from the vans, I think I saw them pass a teary eyed Indian four or five times.

When they final made it to the oddly named Battleground Baptist Church, they were instructed to build “Life Pods” which were basically metal closets with solar panels on top of them.  The owner of the company was there to explain to us how these “Life Pods” were going to revolutionize the third world by being used as homes, schools and hospitals run solely on solar power.  As he said this about these closets, I saw the scene from Zoolander in my mind where he brushes the model of the school off the table and exclaims, “What is this, a school for ants?”  I went to the website for these “Lifepods” and the solar panels on top of them, and I could not find any pictures of any third world person using one of these products.  In fact, the closets, I mean “Lifepods” were depicted as pool houses next to mansions that must have been worth millions.  I tried to find pricing for them, but there is no mention of cost anywhere on the web.  The solar panels, of which there were a dozen for each closet, I mean Lifepod, go for about a grand ($1000) a piece.  I’m sure that African goat herders are ratting back every cent right now trying to get enough money to buy one of these ‘houses.’

Later, as the Life Pods were being constructed, a question was brought up to the owner of the company about how they would work if it was cloudy.  I almost laughed as he said (and I paraphrase), “Well, there will still be electricity.  It is just a case of how much.”  That’s great.  I guess if you are heading to a Lifepod hospital on a cloudy day, you don’t want to be having a heart attack and need a Defibrillator.

Tommy Lee’s friend Nina later took an old work truck that was definitely not a hybrid to get a group of guys to do their work for them so that they could drink (oh, the sacrifices these guys make).  The show lingered on for a full hour, and Tommy Lee’s team won the episode.  As the show wound down, the participants were stuffing their faces at another party (let’s see, that is three concerts, two parties, and all the three camera shoots.  Big Blue may finish that Pi calculation before he finishes calculating all these offsets).  Tommy Lee hopped the ‘Red Eye’ (a flight that is generally more wasteful because there are fewer people onboard) to the next destination.  When the aptly named Ludacris saw this, he called a friend and had a G-5 private jet sent to get him (no joke).  I give props to the green supporter who left this comment on the Battleground Earth forum: “In the end Ludacris calls for a private jet to come pick them up so they can beat the other team to wherever they were going next? Well now I am impressed that they have taken the green message to heart. Did they eat some baby seal meat with ivory chop sticks on the ride?”

There were other things to hate about this show.  Among them was the constant sexist objectification of women, but that’s OK if you are saving the Earth.  There were at least three shots and references to Rick’s Cabaret, and Tommy Lee’s fellow competitor Nina felt the need to remind him that he, and his friends were not to try and stick their hands down her pants (If that is all Tommy Lee tries stick down her pants, she will be lucky).  Another thing to hate were the frequent drug references as if this were acceptable or cute.  But again, were are saving the planet here so that makes it good.  Similarly, drinking was also glorified in the episode.

Early on we were introduced to Debbie Levin, who I will refer to from now on as the Devil.  She is producing this pile of tripe, and runs an organization called the Environmental Media Association.  She literally took credit for getting “all the stars being involved in environmentalism” by encouraging a few to start driving Hybrids.  She told Ludacris and Tommy Lee that in the same way that other stars followed the lead of people like Leonardo DiCaprio, their fans would adopt the green lifestyles exhibited by Tommy and Ludacris (beware, oh Earth).  I found her attitude high-handed, and self aggrandizing while showing little respect to ‘the fans’ of these people for being persons who could make up their own minds.  On top of that, if these people are so easily influenced, perhaps it would be better to show Ludacris and Tommy Lee reading books or exercising rather than drinking, and acting sexist.

In the end, this program is simply another example of the fact that the supporters of the green movement have no boundaries.  They have created a new religion.  One in which any means justifies the end (saving the planet), and blind fervor is idealized.  This has occurred throughout history.  One great example is the Crusades, a period of time in which people in their religious fervor would volunteer to go and kill other people (and maybe get killed themselves) due to the religious zeal of the time in which they lived.  It is only a matter of time until the people of this movement also turn violent, but until that happens we will have to be content with watching the visual-violence that they have brought to television that is known as Battleground Earth.

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