“I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.”
“You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You follow your custom. And then we will follow ours.”
–General Charles Napier on the Indian practice of “suttee” – the tradition of burning widows on the funeral pyres of the husbands.
“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’.”
– Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”
“I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.”
–Alicia Silverstone, Actress
I use the word “fat.” I use that word because that’s what people are: they’re fat. They’re not bulky; they’re not large, chunky, hefty or plump. And they’re not big-boned. Dinosaurs were big-boned. These people are not overweight: this term somehow implies there is some correct weight… There is no correct weight. Heavy is also a misleading term. An aircraft carrier is heavy; it’s not fat. Only people are fat, and that’s what fat people are! They’re fat!
But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
–Carl Sagan (1934 – 1996)
Happiness is like pissing your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
“Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.”
-Batman costume warning label
“Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.”
-Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel
“A child says, ‘It’s my toy.’ That’s property law,” he said. “A child says, ‘You promised me.’ That’s contract law. A child says, ‘He hit me first.’ That’s criminal law. A child says, ‘Daddy said I could.’ That’s constitutional law.”
– Harold Joseph Berman
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
– Albert Einstein
“There should only be two sentences for convicted criminals, 25 years and Death. If you can’t rehabilitated someone in 25 years they just need to go away”